i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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