So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
