I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
