I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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