hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My liver just had a heart attack.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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