can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
