can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
