Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
