my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
