Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
