Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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