so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
