Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
