Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
