My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
