i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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