good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
