I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
