You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
