the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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