So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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