Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
