Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
