how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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