Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
