You're my little dorito
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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