dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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