Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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