dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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