Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
