I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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