White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
