I puked a lego.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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