my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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