did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
