i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
