Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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