New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
