Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
