Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
