i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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