i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
