I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
