I'm drive I can fine osifer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
