A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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