I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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