I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
