The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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