Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
