dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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