Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
