the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
