Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
