Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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