somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
