Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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