i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
