I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
