On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who died my cat blue again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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