garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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