you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
