That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
