So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's blow job season.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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