woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
