that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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