as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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