Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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