what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
