There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
