it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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