So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
