i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
