The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
