i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
