I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
