I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
