My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
