Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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