Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
