well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
