after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
