Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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