Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
