I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
